Sutton Group Envelope Real Estate Brokerage Inc.
Ty Lacroix 181 Commissioners Road W London, ON N6J 1X9
Work Phone: 519-435-1600

The World As 100 People

   The World As 100 People!

  The World As 100 People

    If you could shrink the earth’s population to a village of exactly 100 people, with all the existing human ratios remaining the same, it would look like this.


  • 57 Asians
  • 21 Europeans
  • 14 from the Western Hemisphere
  • 8 Africans
  • 52 would be female, 48 would be ….?
  • 70 would be non-white, 30 white
  • 70 would be non –Christian, 30 would be Christian
  • 59% of the world’s wealth would be in the hands of only six people, and all six would be North American
  • 80 would live in substandard housing
  • 70 would be unable to read
  • 50 would suffer from malnutrition
  • Only one would have a university degree
  • No one would have a computer
  • One would be near death, and one is about to be born.


   You can see that there are no real estate people, no lawyers, no accountants, no car salespeople, no need for voice mail, no waiting for cable or phone hook-ups, no surly or indifferent waiters, no taxman, no politicians, no lineups, no ________________ (your pick). 

  Why not drop me a line with what the moral of the story should be!

Are Stairs In Your London Home a Challenge?

   Are you having trouble getting around your 2 story home because of stairs or narrow hallways, or, think you may in a few years? Are you worrying what to do?

            age and real estate

 You love your home, you have fond memories and perhaps love to putter in the yard or garden and worry about giving it up.

 Last month I worked with a couple who have lived in their London home for 44 years and they were tired and having trouble maintaining their large home.

 We found a great one-floor ranch/bungalow close to where their son lives and offered some great amenities that their present home did not have. They have a yard but it is smaller and they can still do the same things they used to.

 By the time I sold their 2 story home and helped them buy their bungalow, they were thousands ahead in dollars and their monthly expenses decreased!

 I had another client whose children had moved out 8 years ago and their home in Byron was too large for just the two of them. They were 2 years away from retirement and thought it would be nice to be able to spend more time to travel and visit their grandchildren, two of them were in BC and one in Texas.

 I helped them buy a one-floor townhouse 2 miles from their previous house, they have no exterior maintenance at all and are enjoying their freedom!

 If you think it is time to review your living, wealth and health styles in London, I can guide you through the process to ensure your change of address is smooth when you do decide to make a move!

  It is a huge decision to make and especially now with the London real estate prices being the highest ever and the demand for homes very strong!

  By the way, at present, there are 19 nice ranch/bungalows & 16 one floor townhouses & townhomes to choose from!

Act Quickly Before This Property Is Gone!

    Canada is in a race with Russia and other Arctic nations to lay claim to the frozen territory that may hold untold treasures. A recent Soviet intelligence report predicted that conflict with other Arctic nations is a distinct possibility. including military action.

    Arctic Circle Real Estate

  The point of this article is that China, which does not have an Arctic coast, have sent icebreakers and ships into the Arctic Ocean. A Chinese Admiral said that since China has 20% of the world's population, it should have 20% of the Arctic resources!

 That being the case,  I am offering for sale iceberg #127 and iceberg #672 for a very good price. Not listed for sale on MLS.

 Act fast,  as global warming may see a decrease in the size of your purchase and because of this, these icebergs are being sold 'as is' and no warranties are extended. All measurements to be verified by purchaser!

 Iceberg 127 & 672


Send Only Old Army Vets to War

       This gentleman has got his head on right!

New Direction for any war:  Send Service Vets over 70!

 "I am over 70 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.

For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry..' We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell. Besides, as I said, I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser for us.

Returning to boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course, however. I've been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowardly terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons, who know that their best years are already behind them. "

HEY!!  How about recruiting Women over menopause!!! You think MEN have attitudes??
Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!!  If nothing else put them on border patrol. They'll have it secured the first night!
Send this to all of your senior's in big type so they can read it.

Banks and an Old Lady

Below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. 

The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York  Times.

Dear  Sir: 

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. 

I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. 

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. 

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. 
I noticed that,  whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded,  faceless entity which your bank has become.

From now on, I,  like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. 

My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. 

Be aware that it is an OFFENSE under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. 

Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete. 

I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me,  there is no alternative. 

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation  (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course,  at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a  PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. 

I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again,  I have modelled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. 

As they say,  imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. 

Let me level the playing field even further. 
When you call  me, press buttons as  follows: 


#1. To make an  appointment to see  me 

#2. To query a missing payment. 

#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.   

#4 To transfer  the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping 

#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature. 

#6. To transfer  the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home 

#7. To leave a  message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. 
      Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that  Authorized Contact mentioned earlier. 

#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through  7.  

#9. To make a  general complaint or inquiry. 
         The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.

#10. This is a  second reminder to press* for  English. 

      While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait,  uplifting music will play for the duration of the call. 

Regrettably,  but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. 

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New  Year? 

Your Humble  Client

And remember:  Don't make old People mad.  We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to get us irritated.

 ** thanks to Roger Mucci of Kirtland Hills, Ohio for this wonderful story **

Christmas, God & the Post Office

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.
One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.
The letter read:
Dear God,
I am an 83-year-old widow, living on a very small pension.
Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment.
Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?
The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars.
By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman.
The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.
Christmas came and went.
A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.
It read:
Dear God,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me?
Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.
By the way, there was $4 missing.  I think it might have been those b@stards at the post office.

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